Sorry we moved!

manduca.tumblr.com

So why migrate services? Blogger is a service founded in 1999, and it is archaic at best so I decided to move to a popular web 2.0 hosting service, tumblr. So far I am liking it a lot more, as it appears "crisper." See you there!

Standing on the Ledge

"Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live life to its fullest potential."

-Mary Anne Redmacher

Last night, I rappelled off a bridge in the middle of downtown Lafayette. Wait, stop! Did I really do that?! What is going on? That's so out of character for me... I think this is okay.

I grew up throughout high school, being taught the importance of being cautious. Often I would find myself on a ledge, but I would never actually jump because all I could see were the possible risks involved. A lot of that I regret now. There are many opportunities I passed up growing up because I didn't want to jump off the ledge. I appreciate what I was given in life, but now I think it is time to live a little and not be so reserved. Instead of standing at the ledge, thinking and backing off after lengthy deliberation, maybe I should take a leap at times. A leap through which one can learn through experience.

Anyways back to the story. Last night Allyson and I were at a Bible study, and our small group was going through a passage in James 3 filled with metaphor so we decided to perform an interpretive dance as part of our presentation of our discussion to the larger group. In the past, never would I have stood up and improvised a dance in front of a group of 30 or so people. I don't know what has come over me, but I did it. Normally what held me back in the past was being judged by other people. But you know what? I don't care what they think. Life needs to be lived.

After the study we headed to one of Allyson's co-worker's houses for a celebration of free strawberry puree, complete with deep fried onions. Later in the night one of the guys brought out rappelling gear and asked who wants to rappel off the bridge overhanging the railroad down the block. A few of us sprung to the challenge. At first I didn't intend to participate, but after thinking I decided. I would do it! I am tired of standing on the edge being cautious and backing off. I want to jump. I want to live. While I did bang my knee slightly on the way down, I do not regret the experience. It wasn't on my bucketlist, but I wish I could still line it off. Perhaps I have learned something from this. Maybe I am finally putting aside my cautious ways and learning to take that leap of faith off the ledges we encounter in life.

"I'm Not Dead Yet"

So I haven't updated the blog in some time now. I just wanted to say that I'm not dead yet. I'm still alive, and I think I am getting better. Life has been chaotic since returning from spring break, and I haven't had the time to get everything done that I would like to. I haven't had as much time to spend with people, update my blog, and I have fallen way behind on my letters for Lent. Perhaps things are picking up since I found time to write this? Really, I don't know if they are or not.

So a lot has happened since the last post. Spring break in Tennessee was amazing. I got to ride a horse for the first time and I saw so many incredible, awe inspiring sights while hiking in the mountains. Also I decided to get baptized and connected with several individuals on a spiritual level with whom I didn't think was possible. Despite all of this, I think the best part of break was a 10 minute window spent with Allyson before worship on the night of baptisms. We were praying together, and it hit me for the first time how far I have come in a year. A year ago I was an agnostic, kicking and screaming about spirituality. God has instilled something awesome in me, and I am floored to be able to recognize that. God works miracles!

So what else? School and life in general has been chaotic. I have been dealing with this and that, and I am getting tired of it all. It appears to be letting up at this point, but we can judge that down the road. My research is continuing and little has happened. I have my first batch of pupae and the plants are maturing despite a fungus gnat infestation. We are planning on starting a second set of control larvae next week. Last week I took part in Humans vs Zombies (a school wide game of tag that simulates a zombie infestation) with Allyson and my squad, Weapons of Mass Seduction. Over that week, I attended all five missions along with a handful of day missions, and I extracted (won as a human player) on Saturday after having taken out over 150 zombies during the week. On Sunday Allyson and I were also given the opportunity to usher Spamolot, which was an awesome experience and a great production.

On this Friday and Saturday I will be dancing in Allyson's dance piece in X-works. Earlier this semester Josh Stephenson, Andrew Robbins, and I offered to be in Allyson's piece because she needed male dancers for it. Personally, I offered my services because I had as light as a semester that a double science major can have. Mainly, I saw it as an incredible opportunity to experience something that is a passion of Allyson. I really do think it is important to become at least slightly familiar with our significant other's passions. The whole experience has been invaluable. I have learned a lot and really stretched myself and gained a greater respect for Allyson's dancing and choreography.

As life become less chaotic, I move forward. Hopefully next week turns out to be better!

Clocking In

So I have been attending a leadership class through Campus House for three weeks now. Well, during the second class Rob briefly mentioned logging the minutes of your day as a self-reflection exercise. There are 24 hours or 1440 minutes or 86,400 seconds in every day. How we spend these precious moments is a demonstration of how we prioritize our lives. Each of us have limited time on this world, and what we make of that time is important. 

Personally, I wish to make the best use of my time as possible so I decided to take on the task of logging my minutes in a ledger, as Rob suggested. My days vary and tend of be diverse so instead of logging a day, I decided to log an entire week to account for abnormalities that might show up. That's a total of 604,800 seconds from which I was able to budget my time for the week. From Tuesday, February 24th to Monday, March 1st I recorded how I spent the minutes of my day in my phone. At the end of it, I gathered all of the minutes in an excel spreadsheet and generated the following pie chart.

I think a few things have been made apparent by the little exercise. I definitely am too tethered to the internet. The number of hours I spent using my computer to check facebook, browse the internet, blog, talk to people, etc was slightly overwhelming. Additionally, I don't have a lot of homework this semester. I knew going into this semester that it would be an "easy" semester compared to what I am use to with my typical double major course load, but I didn't expect to clock is so few hours for homework. Also I really do feel that the chart has shown me how much I love the work God is using me for through the lab I am working for. This is the first time I have ever counted the time spent in lab for a week. The minimum requirement for research is ~4 hours a week. Well, I spent over 12 hours working in the lab. I didn't spend all that time in the lab because I have to. I spend that time in lab because I love what I am doing, and I feel like it is what God is calling me to do. In someways I feel that it is a form of worship and that I have been given a spiritual gift in a way.

At first I hesitated to clock in hours spend "praying/worshiping" because it is such an ambiguous thing to measure. We have all heard "pray continuously" before, and I feel like that really does hold true to me since I hardly commit my thought process to a single topic due to "cloud thinking." I really do pray continually. What I logged in the graph was the hours spent par taking in intentional prayer/worship. Yet, somehow I wish the slice of the pie was larger.

Clearly, I have a few things to focus on. I really do wish to reduce the role that the internet plays in my life. Perhaps I can enlarge the portion of pie, which prayer occupies in its place!

An Inked Reminder

So this idea has been brewing in my head for awhile now, but right now I sort of want to put it down in words. I am considering the thought of eventually getting a tattoo. Getting a tattoo is a HUGE life decision since it sticks with you forever. Usually it is a decision made at a young age that one comes to regret. Well, part of the reason I want one is for the reason that many people are hesitant. I want something that sticks with me forever.

Last semester Rob, one of the pastors at Campus House, had us write "mercy" across our hand/wrist. The purpose of doing this was to be a constant reminder during our day of the mercy God has shown us. For awhile I would write mercy across my wrist on random days, usually on days that I wasn't in the greatest of moods. There are so many times that you stare at the underside of your hands during the day, usually without knowing. Writing something in that location can serve a fantastic reminder for a homework assignment that is due, an item that needs to be picked up from the store, or as a symbol of your faith. 

Though recently I have tweaked the formula. I have begun to draw the Celtic trinity knot in the place of mercy. To me writing mercy/the trinity knot on my wrist is a constant reminder of who I am and what I believe. Such a tiny thing scrolled across my wrist can help me recenter during the day. If I were to get a tattoo it would be the trinity knot on the underside of my wrist to serve as a constant reminder of my heritage (I am 50% Irish) and my commitment to living a Christian lifestyle. 

I have also pondered the notion of getting a Celtic Cross on my back left shoulder blade. The image would serve the same purpose, but I guess it would be more aesthetic because you generally don't stare at your back during the day.

This is a huge decision, and I don't expect to make it overnight. For now, sharpies.

Parlez vous francais?

I'm learning French. Yeah... I never thought I would say that sentence, but I just said it. Is the world falling apart? Nah, I have just come to accept something...

Last week I went in to talk to Dr. Murdock. During the conversation he mentioned that I should learn French because he needs more French speakers on our research team because most of the members are too old to learn. My initial was reaction occurred internally and was along the lines of "Heck no. There is NO WAY that I am learning ANOTHER language, especially if it is French." Externally I just sort of had a blank stare, and I ended up leaving for class.

Well, the thought of learning French plagued me for the days which followed. Something deep inside me compelled me to pray and think about the idea. Suddenly, I was intrigued by the thought. Could I really learn yet another language? Dr. Murdock is the head of several projects in French West Africa, all of which  involve improving the world's food supply. By learning French, I would be able to assume a more direct role in these projects and be able to experience our work in a more hands on approach. 

The work would involve direct interaction with native farmers and researchers in the western countries. For me at least, the most important element would be the gift of getting to see this unique region of the world that has been plagued by poverty, crime, and starvation. I wish to meet and talk to the people who the research is and will directly benefit. Often research is contained in a laboratory, isolated. I was once involved in systematic, isolated laboratory work, and the work seemed empty. My new position has provided countless opportunities, including the chance to remove this disconnect from my work, a window to truly experience something.

I feel like God has offered me an amazing set of opportunities through my lab position. Learning French has been on my mind a lot lately. God has opened a door for me with this once in a life time chance. And you know what? 

I want to go through that door. I am learning French! I know not what experiences lie ahead of me, but learning the language in itself will be an adventure, which will lead to an even greater adventure down the road. Several days ago I started to teach myself through Rosetta Stone and generated vocabulary lists for review during the day. Wish me luck!

Au revoir.

Mind Clouds

The other day I was in Campus House, and I was talking to my friend, Hannah who had been reading my blog. She suggested that I write a poem or something for a post. While I may be a metaphorical person by nature, the whole rhyming thing is not exactly my cup of tea. But her comment gave me an idea! 

I have mentioned before that my thoughts are organized in clouds. My thoughts are independent of one another, but sometimes they intersect or split off. My mind is constantly jumping around among all of the clouds that float in my head. Well, I figured that a tag/word cloud would be a great visual representation of how my mind works.

I went to a word cloud generator, here and typed in the text field at the top. Basically I just sat at my computer and typed everything that popped into my head: full sentences, fragments, simple words. The image below is the result of my self reflection exercise, which lasted about 30 minutes. The larger a word is, the more often it appeared in the thoughts that I wrote down.

Click to Enlarge Image

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; third, by experience, which is most bitter." 
-Confucius

Once a Swimmer, Always a Swimmer

"You know what you gotta do when life gets you down?
Just keep swimming."

As I previously mentioned in another entry, the pool was where I could always find myself and incidentally is the locale where I questioned the Catholic faith and became an agnostic. I started to swim competitively at the age of seven, and that continued through junior year of high school but stopped my senior year because my heart was no longer in it. Over that 11 year period, the time I treasured all that time spent in the pool because that was the only place I could clearly hear myself think without interruption. 

Swim coaches tend to throw heaps of sets with little rest in between at swimmers over a two hour period. In that time it is just you and the gentle waves which bend over the surface of your body in the pool. The feeling you get while working out in that type of environment may be physically exhausting, but it is a perfect setting for thinking. All you can hear is the ambient sound of the water rolling over you and you have all the time in the world. As I swam, I would think about life, everything from what's for dinner to reviewing my Spanish vocabulary words to asking deep spiritual questions. In high school, I began to question my Catholic faith intensely, and I concluded that the doctrine was wrong. I wanted nothing to do with it. Furthermore, I began to analyze and think about what I believe.

I can't exactly pinpoint the day that I rejected Catholicism, but what I do know is that it happened in the pool sophomore year of high school because I had been given this environment. After my junior year I had lost that time in the pool so my faith became somewhere suspended in the realm of agnosticism until I finally received that push from Allyson that the pool use to give me. The push was the drive to question things in my life and to determine such things for myself. Costa Rica then provided an environment that was similar to the pool, where I could question and think critically in periods of isolation.

Well, I'm back now, and I feel like God has been calling me back to have more pool time. Last week I started to swim again. I returned to the environment where I began to question faith and make it my own. Before the pool acted as a catalyst for transition from Catholic to agnostic, but now it is acting as a scaffolding for my Christianity. Not only do I once again have that place to ask the hard questions, I now have an incredible place to talk to God. I treasure and love the pool now for this reason.

In addition, the pool has provided an opportunity to honor God with my body by respecting it and taking care of it. Over the past two weeks, I have tried to make a conscious effort to maintain my body's health, fitness, and purity. This means making good physical decisions by making intentional decisions about working out, eating well (I'm trying to avoid those infamous monochromatic meals I love), and making positive decisions in my relationship.

For now I will just keep swimming.

Heart to Paper

"In an age like ours, which is not given to letter-writing, we forget what an important part it used to play in people's lives." -Anatole Broyard

A piece of paper on which an acquaintance, friend, lover, or family member has scribbled their thoughts and emotions can mean so much to us. Individuals value the few letters they receive, storing them away like pirate treasure, occasionally peeking at them to reread the precious words within. But when was the last time you received a letter in the mail? Letter writing has become a sort of lost art in this modern era. Sure we have email, text messaging, and skype calls, yet none of those can compare to a letter. Why has this meaningful art form been lost?

"To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart." 

-Phyllis Theroux

Letters can make all the difference in the relationships we enjoy with others. Letters can move entire groups of people into action. Letters can help us convey that which we cannot fully express in conversation. For me letters have played a critical role in my life, and they have helped to shape the person who I have become today.

I have never been one to speak with a silver tongue. My mind is not one that is sharp enough to be verbose in conversation, but when it comes to writing it is entirely a different story. When I write I can more clearly express what is on my mind. In no way, shape, or form am I a linear thinker. I think in a sort of cloud with different thoughts floating around that I can grab onto without transition. Writing helps me to organizes these clouds into a clear picture. I am no stranger to writing blog posts like this one, but to me my most heart felt pieces of writing comes in the shape of letters.

The most significant impact that letters have had on my life occurred this summer when I was in Costa Rica. For the duration of the summer Allyson and I exchanged letters in which we pushed and encouraged each other. In the letters I shared my developing spiritual journey with her. Eighty-eight letters later I was home in the United States. I had been through so much and been apart from Allyson for an extended period of time. In those letters we shared our entire summer and our struggles. We supported each other and just talked. At the time our relationship was still in its early stages. Those letters showed our commitment to each other and strengthened our relationship beyond anything that coffee shop conversations ever could. I don't know if we would have made it through our summer and still together without the medium the letters provided. My entire summer is contained within those letters, and through them you can trace my love for God grow as the summer progressed.

In approximately one month, I have resolved to write letters. As I previously mentioned I am from a Catholic background. A strong memory from my childhood is the celebration of Lent within the Catholic Church. The purpose of Lent is essentially fasting to further your relationship with God before the celebration of Easter. Lent begins on Ash Wednesday when Catholics are symbolically reborn from ashes (from ashes we are born and ashes we shall become) and lasts for 40 days until Easter. In this period Catholics are called to give up the consumption of meat and give up something to fast. Unfortunately, in my up bringing I observed that this process turned into giving something up and not replacing that time with an intentional action or actions which further your relationship with the Lord. Many times individuals give up soda or chocolate. My question has always been, what does this do? How am I closer to God by giving up a sweet? Other times something like video games or television may be given up, but then the time is replaced with something else like playing board games, complaining, or finding loop holes in what you have given up.

While Lent no longer pertains to me, I feel that the concept of fasting or performing some intentional action to further your bond with God is beautiful. This year Lent begins on March 9th, and I will be taking part. For forty days leading up to Easter, I will be writing letters, 40 letters. I feel like I have been called by God to be intentional in my life and reach out to others around me. Each day I would like to write a letter to a different person in my life, no one specific, just whoever is on my mind at the time. In the letters I would just like to share with everyone on a genuine level. Letters and the process that goes into them is a priceless event.  As I write the letters I would just like to reach out to those around me: friends, family, classmates, estranged acquaintances, and even people I recently met. Unlike giving up chocolate, I believe that some good will come out of these 40 letters. Not only do I wish to live intentionally, but I will be giving up a large chunk of time for over a month to spill my thoughts. That in itself is the idea of Lent, which I wish to embrace, fasting with intentional living. Most of all, I need your support. Forty days of writing is going to be difficult to hold true to, but I am determined to do this. If I lose sleep over it, so be it. I have coffee to sustain me for that time.

Deu 9:18

Then once again I fell prostrate before the Lord for forty days and forty nights; I ate no bread and drank no water, because of all the sin you had committed, doing what was evil in the Lord's sight and so arousing his anger.

A Seedling, A Hope

Today I walked into the greenhouse and observed over 100 tobacco seedlings peeking a pair of immature leaves out of the freshly watered soil. Over a week ago I planted five trays of tobacco seed as part of the research project I am starting this semester. Just over a week has past since I first filled the trays with fresh soil and laid seed down in the freshly dug furrows. Now there is life. To me that is amazing. The seedlings are so small yet complex at the same time. Months down the road the lives of these plants will provide life to tobacco worms. This is who we are. Life has been breathed into all of us by God. We are such small, insignificant beings, but at the same time we are complex and capable of great things. Just like the seedlings, each of us feed into the lives of others.

My sophomore year I was treasurer of Purdue's Biochemistry Club. As an officer each of us had the responsibility of setting up guest speakers for meetings. At the time I had a minor in Entomology (today it is a second major), and I knew that a professor in the department taught a class on insect biochemistry and physiology so I sent out an email to try to express interest in having him give a guest lecture. Well, he accepted. This professor was Dr. Larry Murdock. He gave a tantalizing presentation on his work with the storage and preservation of cowpea in Africa in an effort to guard the grain against the cowpea weevil, an insect that destroys large quantities of the local supply every season. Since the project was initiated over 100 million people have been helped by the effort Dr. Murdock's lab puts forth. With over $24 million in monetary assistance from the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation, the lab has developed new technology, which has improved the local economy and effectively helped to curb food shortages in several African countries. I was hooked without knowing.

Sophomore year I was already working in a Biochemistry lab, but the work felt empty. While I was dozens of valuable techniques, the work felt empty. My heart wasn't in the work, and time dragged on for two semesters.

After the spring semester of sophomore year, I quit my Biochemistry lab position without another lab position offer available to fill the void. Following my summer in Costa Rica, I suddenly felt compelled to contact the professor who talked to Biochemistry Club a year ago, Dr. Murdock. Soon I had a reply and a meeting with him. He was interested in having me work in his lab on a project he has had on the back-burner for years. The fall semester was busy and tumultuous, but I had just enough free time to lay some ground work for the project. I would be working on a chemical retention project using an entomological model organism, Manduca sexta (tobacco horn worm).

I know it probably looks disgusting to anyone reading, but to me this tiny life form is a creature of beauty. Some might think that a moth has little to offer. In actuality my work with this critter has the potential power to drastically change the lives of 100-200 million people, and I believe that God has called me to use my gifts to make a difference in this way.

Now that fall has passed, spring semester has arrived, and now it is time to put the plan Dr. Murdock and I laid out in the fall into action. Ultimately our goal is to use a new technology to determine if a stack of genetically modified cowpea should be deployed in the African countries that Dr. Murdock's lab works with. If we conclude that the GMO crop should be introduced the lives of millions of people will be positively altered, as the crop would increase yields more than ten fold. Of course this end goal is years away. My focus on the manner is developing a technology to accomplish this.

Through my project I am testing if chemicals ingested my larvae are retained and can be traced in the adult insect. I will be doing this by feeding the horn worms three different sets of diets: 1) artificial diet 2) artificial diet spiked with trace chemicals 3) a natural tobacco diet. Once the larvae metamorphose into adults the specimens will have their surface waxes and wing scales tested for traces of chemicals added to the diet or chemicals found naturally in tobacco. So why is this important? Why do I care? How does this help people in Africa? 

Well, if we are able to detect trace chemicals from the larval diet then it can be concluded that larval diet can be determined from running a chemical profile on an adult insect. GMO crops can show resistance develop among natural pest populations because the crop kills 99.99% of the pest species. Unfortunately, that 0.01% that remains breeds and suddenly the new insect population is resistant to the control method. The technology I am working with will be able to demonstrate if any selected insect pest has secondary, tertiary, or even quaternary host plants. If the pest feeds on more than one crop then 99.99% of the population isn't suddenly in ruin. A refuge population then remains so the rest of the insects are not resistant due to natural selection of the resistant pests. If I can prove the theory, we can test if the pests of cowpea have secondary hosts, and if they do we can safely deploy the modified cowpea crop.

So where am I now? Not very far... So far we have the chemical components that will be used in the spiked diet, components to create an artificial diet, and Maduca eggs on back order. Also I have soil.

Just over a week ago I planted five trays of tobacco seed in a greenhouse. I have taken care of and watered the seeds everyday over the past ten days or so, including on the days when that awesome blizzard hit. When I went into the greenhouse a couple days ago there were two tiny seedlings poking up out of the soil. Today there were over one hundred...

God's plan starts with a seedling. A seedling can change the world if you give it the chance.

A Start

If you haven't noticed already the title of this blog, "Metamorphose," is strikingly scientific so let's start off with Merriam Webster's definition of the term.

Meta-mor-pho-sis (noun)
1.
a) a change of physical form, structure, or substance especially by supernatural means
b) a striking alteration in appearance, character, or circumstance
2.

a typically marked and more or less abrupt development change in the form or structure of an animal (as a butterfly or a frog) occurring subsequent to birth or hatching

If you know me well or otherwise you probably know that I like insects so clearly I must be focusing on definition two, right? Wrong. I may refer to my entomological work on a regular basis, but definition two is not my intention with this blog. My goal more closely follows definition "one b." Over the period of my thus far brief life I have been offered countless opportunities which result in a change change in appearance, character, and/or circumstance. If you were to ask people from various times in my life to describe Dan Martin, they would all probably shoot back with something completely different. I like to joke that I have mirror syndrome, but in reality my circumstances and views are constantly evolving.

I write this blog as a medium to share through a story, my story. I believe God calls us to do certain things with our lives at certain moments, which results in a change, a distortion, a twist of our being. None of these things are bad, but rather they are positive, as they alter our lives, teaching us invaluable lessons.

A caterpillar knows not what he will become, yet a butterfly knows what he once was.

For most of us life starts around the time we start going to school. Not literally of course, but not many of us can recall much before then. For me grade school was a trial that shaped me into the nerd that I am now. Everyone finds their niche at a young age, all for different reasons. For me it was a combination of the brutal nature of children, my love of books, and my respect for authority. All of these things shaped me from preschool to eighth grade. I am an only child so I always had problems fitting it. Usually some awkward action on my part would result in being cast out by a peer, which would only then result in more awkward interactions. Naturally, I turned to a comfort of mine, books. I took to reading at a young age. Mostly my parents are to blame since they raised me in a very cultured and science based environment. Not that I am complaining though! Of course the weird kid in the corner reading every single book on the solar system from the school library isn't exactly the ring leader so the awkwardness was only further enforced. Alas, the naive little Dan knew no better than turning to a teach or adult in situations of awkwardness is not a way to make the situation any better. Grammar school for me can pretty much be summed up by "awkward, nerdy, and unpopular."

For most of us the definitive step number two is high school. In high school things got a little better. I had been swimming competitively since the age of seven so I decided to join the swim team. It seemed like over night I was hurled from a fish bowl into a swimming pool. Suddenly there were 200 people in my class, instead of 20. The awkward kid reading a book in the corner that everyone noticed was suddenly the awkward smart swimmer kid that few people noticed. High school offered me something I thought I needed, an environment in which I could blend in and excel. While athletics and academics took off, other aspects of my life began to fall apart. Particularly, my spiritual side began to crumble into disarray. I was raised in the Catholic school system, and by this time I was questioning everything. A lot of things just didn't make sense, and I wanted nothing to do with it. By junior year, my faith was completely broken and athletically I was in shambles, but I didn't care. I had a small close knit group of friends, and academically I was accelerating. Under the surface lied me, I was changing as a person, evolving. At this point in my life you could essentially throw the tag "emo" on me. I loved music and introspection more than most things, but deep down I was lonely. Something was missing...

College changes everything. While the upgrade from a fish bowl to a swimming pool may seem drastic, the upgrade from a pool to an ocean is even greater. Purdue provided the expansive environment I truly needed to develop as a person. Finally, I had a place where I could be ME. Unfortunately, this new found freedom was a little too much for this spoiled only child off his leash for the first time. Freshman and sophomore year became completely about Dan. Individualism took hold, and I was more "emo" than ever. I cared most about myself, but on the flip side something deep down called for a communal connection, and even more so a spiritual one. While I had found a close group of friends whom I am still close with, the group was exclusive. I needed more.

What came next is hard to describe in words. Prior to the end of sophomore year I met someone incredibly close to my heart now who showed me my first real glimpse of God. Previously, I had dismissed Christianity as a whole as a simple off shoot of Catholicism and declared myself an agnostic. Well, God put this person in my life as a wake up call that I desperately needed. I was given a nudge by someone who was a stranger at the time. It was just a nudge, but what happened next was a result of that selfless act.

That summer I spent three months in Costa Rica. The first two weeks involved traveling around the country and the weeks that followed I would be helping with a communal study of the insect and bird populations in coffee fields. As part of the travel component we visited the Bri Bri people who live at the Costa Rica-Panama border. To reach the Bri Bri we traveled down river in dug out canoes and we descended into the jungle where we would stay for two days. The first night with the Bri Bri people was the most restless night of my life. The night was spent under a mosquito net in a palm pressed hut. Constant sweat ran down my entire body, and as I lied there drenched and in my boxers, I could hear a distant jungle cat. I prayed most of that night. It was nothing formal, it was a conversation. That night was long and filled with sweat, but it was joyous. That night was the first night that I felt truly connected with my Lord. The morning that followed, I got up and watched the sun rise. No one else on the trip got up for several hours. In that time I sat with the Bri Bri people, and took in the surroundings. Never before had I left so content.

Soon we returned and my internship started. I was dropped off at a host family's home, and I was alone, truly alone for the first time in my life. The following 2.5 months was incredibly difficult, but in those 2.5 months I got to know myself and my maker better than I thought was possible. When you are essentially alone in a country and you have to fend for yourself you truly get to know yourself and God. In that time I had two things that kept me going. The first was prayer and connecting with the One whom I had connected with on May 29th. The second was writing letters. Over the period of 3 months in Costa Rica, I wrote to the one who encouraged me back at Purdue at the end of sophomore year. By the end of the trip we had exchanged 88 letters each. That one person was Allyson who I have known for such a brief time, but unknowingly she gave me a nudge many months prior to the trip that transformed me forever.

Upon returning to Purdue everything was different. Suddenly, community mattered. I became much more intentional about everything. I became more involved in all aspects of my life. Fall semester I laid ground work for a lab position with Dr. Larry Murdock that I am taking part in now, I became more involved with my church, and I grew closer to Allyson.

Today is February 3rd, and a lot has changed from a year ago. I physically resemble the person I was last year (minus the haircut), but I have been changed on so many other levels. Of course, I am not yet a butterfly, but I continue to grow as I walk down the road of life.

A caterpillar knows not what he will become, yet a butterfly knows what he once was.